Sick Day
by PatterCake
Summary: LSP falls ill with a strange disease and Lemongrab does his best to take care of her. (it's a... lumpygrab/lemonspace domestic ficlet that quickly turned into something else...please read and review!)


Lemongrab was, he had to admit, quite annoyed at his girlfriend. She had suddenly stopped by for an unexpected visit- uninvited and unannounced! Which was bad enough as he hadn't been able to prepare for her coming, and then she'd dripped rain water all down the hall. He'd stepped in it in his socks and been soggy the rest of the day.

Worst of all, now that she was here, she wasn't spending any time with him- or rather wasn't trying to. He was busy so he'd have to refuse but it felt so nice to have her pester him and insist and sulk, but instead she was sleeping away the hours.

Now he used to her getting up at an unglobly hour but even so... 1 pm was simply too much. He excused himself from overseeing production of machinery and advanced up the stairs to his study, where he would write her a letter of complaint, but froze when he heard coughing come from her room.

He opened the door to it and poked his head into the room.

She was lying on her bed, the covers in a mess around her, staring at the ceiling. He squinted as maybe it was his poor eyesight but... she seemed to be... different...

"Is everything... toooo acceptable standards?" He loomed over her, looking worried, "How dare you?"

"Yeah I'm fine..." that was his way of asking if she was okay, "I'm pretty tired and idk... think I have a cold or something."

He hmmed thoughtfully and inspected her more closely. It was true... she was most certainly different... there were only...

"One twoooo... threeee..." he muttered as he counted the lumps that made up her body. "four five...six... hngh seven eight... and... nine..." One missing. How... how odd...

and more importantly how worrying.

She sneezed and two lumps popped out of her. He screamed and jumped back.

"Huh what? Oh yeah that's been happening all morning."

"It is the afternoon. But that is beesiiides the POINT what is HAPPENING!" The alarm in his voice almost scared her a little and she tried to reassure him.

"Yeah don't worry about it." She poked her new lumps, "Like... I think that's supposed to happen?"

"I disagree with such a... nonchalant sentiment..." he hissed, "I suspect you are... ill?"

"Yeah maybe but-"

As soon as she said that she sneezed and morphed into a cuboid this time.

"Oh luuumpp... ugh..." She groaned," I know what this is..."

She sneezed and he suddenly had a pyramid for a girlfriend. With clunky noises and grunts of effort she managed to move and face him. "I have the flump..."

"The... flump?" he asked in horror, looking at her now pyramid shape in pure terror.

"Did I stutter? And yeah it's a super crummy disease so um... like... I need you to wait on me-" She sneezed again and turned into an ball with her tiny arms sticking out at the sides, "and stuff... I want grapes. Bring me grapes."

"Of course your highness." He bowed and ran out of the room screaming to get her some grapes and other snacks.

When he returned and wheeled in a food cart she was still lying on her bed, her black eyes all glassy. Fortunately she hadn't changed shape since he'd left. She turned to look at him, looking tired, and bored, and so round.

He wasn't in the mood for physical contact but he felt her forehead anyway.

He frowned. "I cannot sense any abnormal rises in temperature..."

"Really?" She also touched her forehead, "Idk... I feel like I'm 360 degrees..."

"THREE HUNDRED AND oh I see! You think yourself to be SO funny... because you are a circle... or rather you are a sphere and you do not even have any angles."

"I saw you smile!" That had been pretty funny and anyway, she thought he liked her jokes.

"Hush! No time for jokes! This is a serious affliction." He walked backwards to the phone laid out on a table by the door and muttered angrily while dialing.

She coughed and croaked "What are you doing?"

"Calling my ministers to cancel our meeting, I cannot be in two places at once."

She shut her eyes from tiredness and tried to nestle into bed but she just rolled around. "Why can't you go?"

"I am taking care of you and your illness."

Oh yeah! Now that was the best thing about being sick, having people fuss over you. And he was already really fussy about her, so she was probably going to be treated like a queen. Plus he hadn't been spending as much time with her recently. Apparently he was busy but even so... it would be nice to have his full attention again.

He yelled down the phone that he was occupied and that they should mind their own business, screaming loud enough for the glass grape holding dish he'd wheeled in to crack slightly. She suspected that there wasn't a single functional phone in the entire earldom and that he just yelled loud enough for everyone to hear him anyway.

He slammed the phone down and strode over to gently roll her under the covers.

He pulled up a chair from her writing desk and started peeling her grapes to feed to her.

"You should drink some soup." he muttered as he tossed the fruit one by one into her open mouth.

"Ew no.

"Or rice." He suggested, opening a chips packet and emptying it into her mouth.

"No." She smacked her lips, quite enjoying being sick.

"Well Is...is there..." he squinted in concentration as the few remaining rational parts of his brain tried to remember everything he knew about ailments and sickness, "aaanyyy mediciiine you can take?"

"What? Oh nah... nah it stops by itself. It normally only goes on for one day, maybe two if you kept trying to use magic and stuff. Right now I'm in the early stages... that hard part comes later."

He clasped his hands nervously.

"The... hard part?"

"Yeah..." She'd had enough food for the time being so she flopped her arms to the other side and rolled away, "for now I'm just turning into shapes and lame junk but towards the end I'll start shifting between states of matter... that can be a bit of a, like, problem if I turn into a gas and then some lumping idiot opens the window."

He frowned. Turn into a gas? What on Ooo?

"That sounds exceedingly painful and so dangerous..." he muttered, "I cannot allow that."

"Eh I'll be fiiine..." she waved her hand dismissively, "I've had it before. The only thing I should do while it's still not serious is-"

He wouldn't call this not too serious- she was a ball!

"Well..." she lowered her eyes and murmured quietly, "it's a bit embarrassing..."

He kneeled before her and put his hand over his heart. "I will do anything for you."

"Woah..." she flushed, "C-calm down... I just need to take my star out..."

"Is that all?" He stood back up.

"Yeah but like... for a boy to see me without my star in it's a bit... you know..." she tried to gesture with her hands and lost balance, he had to roll her back to face him.

"Ah so it would be indecent..." he removed his hand, "I can call aaaa... female attendant..."

"Well it's not that it's just that like... you seeing me without my star in is a little bit like me seeing you without your shirt on. It's not indecent or whatever but it is kinda embarrassing." She scratched the edge of her star and looked away, watching him out of the corner of her eye.

"I can take my shirt off if that would make you less self conscious." He said helpfully.

"Oh? Hee hee..." she tittered and tried to bat her eyelashes at him, "go on then."

He undid the buttons on his jacket and shrugged it off, neatly hanging it on the back of his chair so it wouldn't wrinkle. To her immense disappointment he had a grey vest on underneath.

"You have nice arms." She said, deciding to make the most of things regardless.

"Oh..." he looked down at his bare arms as if to see what was so nice about them, "really?"

"I like your shoulders too." She purred.

He rubbed his right shoulder self consciously. "Ah ha ha what what can I say they are... they are functional... but they have been aching slightly recently..."

She took another look at him. Now that she thought about it, there was a sort of tiredness to him that hadn't been there before. His eyes were more unfocused than usual, and as she thought that he rubbed at one eye with the heel of his hand and lent into it, resting slightly before blinking and sitting up.

"Hey." she asked.

"Hmm?"

"After I'm better we should swap."

"Swap, your highness?" he cocked his head in confusion and she flushed a little. She liked it when he called her that.

"Yeah." she grinned, "You can be the patient and I'll look after you."

"I do not see the need..." he said slowly, folding his bare arms, "Besides, I have business to attend to... and I would not desire to impose myself upon your-"

She kissed her teeth before he could finish and held up a hand to stop him.

"Relax! You work too hard anyway, taking a little break won't hurt!" She had another coughing fit and he waited till she had finished before continuing.

"Mmm yes but... There is so much to be done... so many things to be built and planned... so much to do so little time..."

He did sound like he had a lot on his mind. She pressed the matter further.

"But you know... there's no point working super hard if you don't take some time to smell the roses and like... meet up with your friends. Take a sick day and have some you time..."

"I don't understand what smelling roses has to do with working." his pupils turned to slits as he worked himself up, "My lemon people have suffered under a feudalist system foooor long ENOUGH! They deserve schools and tertiary jobs and... and a proper economy... and... such things." He sank back in his seat and looked despairingly at the wall, "But it will take such a long time until we are anywhere near the candy kingdom..."

"Who said you guys have to be like the candy kingdom?" she argued, "Is that why you haven't been hanging out with me or calling me back and why you're clearly pushing yourself too hard? Trying to be like PB?" she folded her arms and spat "I mean, good job, you've got her flaws on point."

He glared at her and stood up "I see you don't understand."He muttered coldly.

"Understand what?" Her voice broke into a croak as the soreness in her throat increased and she sneezed again, painfully this time, but remained the same.

"What it's like to have a kingdom to look after." he snapped, and sat back down after he realised he couldn't storm out on a sick woman without looking like an awful person.

"Oh are you trying to say that I'm not a proper-" she was overtaken by another sneeze before she could finish, she could feel her body change and hear the embarassing squeaky rubber like noises it gave off as it did so.

She looked up to see him laughing at her so hard he nearly fell out of his chair. She looked away and elongated into a hotdog shape with a final loud sneeze.

That made him fall out his chair and curl up on the floor, crying with laughter, trying to apologise through his wheezes.

"s-stop it... it's not that funny..."

"You look like a sausage!" he spluttered and lost his mind again.

"I'm still hotter than Mellissa though so there!" She huffed and tried to fold her arms, which was difficult as they were currently 1 metre away from each other on the other ends of her sausage body.

He seemed to have calmed down but he still snorted when he pulled his chair up beside her.

"Now you said something about taking your star out?" he said pleasantly.

"Oh yeah... Yeah uh... I can't do it so..." she looked away awkwardly.

"I can get it out for you-" He reached for her forehead.

"But wait! Before you do... say sorry to me."

He sighed. "I apologise greatly for... losing my temper at you... perhaps yooouuu are... right and I am...nggh overworking myself. But you have no RIGHT to judge my lifestyle!"

"Judging? I'm not judging you, Lemondummy, I'm trying to help you!" She almost yelled at him in frustration.

"No what I am doing right now is helping you, what you" he pointed at her and narrowed his eyes, "were doing was... was... telling me that I am not allowed to do my best for my people and aspire to build a society of eeeequality and happineeess..."

"The candy kingdom isn't like that though I mean... It's illegal for you to vote if you have a criminal record so there's equality for you, and what about the rattleballs? I've heard scary stuff about those guys and is it true she just leaves Goliad out on the roof for everyone to see?"

"Well yes." he admitted.

"Try to tell me that's not a scare tactic."

"W-well... but... well maybe it is not aaa perfect sociiiiiety... but it is still better than anything I could make..."

"Now you stop that! Seriously!" She scolded him and then she sank back with a sigh. "You're so stupid... it actually hurts me to hear you speak sometimes."

"Aren't you encouraging..." he muttered and purposefully looked away.

"I just wish you would stop comparing yourself to her... because..."

"Because?" His eyes swivelled back and he mockingly raised his voice.

She stared up at the painted ceiling as she whispered "Because you're so much better than her."

He laughed again but there wasn't any joy in it this time. She'd rather he was laughing at her again.

"You are deeelusional... is your sickness affecting your mind, dearest? I truly should remove your star, maybe that will return you toooo sanity. Me? Better than myyyy mother? Absolutely not."

"But you are!" she protested.

The smile vanished from his face.

"Princess I have done terrible, terrible things."

"Oh so we're going there..." she thought to herself and muttered darkly. "Have you killed anyone?"

"What?" His eyes widened.

"Have you?" she repeated in the same dark tone.

"Well..." he looked away as it was hard to face her when she got like this, it sometimes slipped his mind that she also possessed great intelligence and could be almost deadly serious sometimes, you always had to keep in mind that despite her outward demeanor she was also a ruler "no but-"

"Your mother has; like the rattleballs, and I heard from Finn that she has skeletons in her hidden dungeon-"

"Rome wasn't built in a day," he interjected, jumping to his mother's defense, "and it wasn't built on good luck either. If you want to keep your kingdom safe, you have to be prepared to dirty your hands a little."

"A little?" she snapped, her voice sounding hoarse, but she pressed on angrily, "Okay okay... but what about my family? We've never done anything like this- ever. My parents would be SHOCKED if they heard you talk like that about killing someone. Dirty your hands a little oh my lumping glob are you crazy? I know that you're used to that kind of thing I mean... Goliad is on display, but... but it's literally just your mother who's like that... there's ways to keep yourself safe, and help your people, that aren't like that... You don't have to murder people or make people too scared to draw in public... there's other ways to be but you don't consider them. Maybe you're right... I really don't understand."

He clenched his hands into fists and screwed his eyes up as he composed himself. "We can continue this on a later date." he stated, "This is... placing stresses upon your royal body, your sickness may worsen. "

He folded his hands in his lap and stared at the floor, trying not to react to her little "ha!"

She coughed almost smugly. "Oh I got you good - you can't say anything to that huh? Ok fine. If you've had enough of me showing you how wrong you are and how right I am then we can finish arguing later. Fine by me. I'm right now, I'll be right tomorrow, I'll be right in a million years, call me for a reality check anytime."

"You do not have to sound so... smug..." he said in a hurt voice, "I am... I am doing the best I can... I'm sorry if that is... not good enough for you."

Okay... maybe she had overdone it there.

"Come on Lemmy baby don't take it like that..." she stroked his face and he didn't react.

"Hmmmmm... nnghh..." He pushed her hand away, "How dare you..."

She drew back, a little hurt, and she rested her hand on the sheet, watching his face.

"Ok." she began, carefully, "ok we'll finish this later like you wanted. I'm sorry I mean I'm like, soooo smart and sooo clever and great and I AM right!" She insisted but then completely changed her tone, "But I dunno..." she shifted awkwardly as she admitted "for someone that writes plays for a living... I really need to choose my words better..."

"Agreed..." he still wouldn't look at her.

She shot him a look before continuing. "But if I made you feel like... like I'm not proud of you or like you're not good enough for me then I'm sorry... I'm really sorry... I, um, I love you Lemongrab, please don't ever doubt that, even when you're an absolute stupid dummy I still really love you and I only want you to be happy."

His head snapped up to look at her and his eyes widened, then he smiled to himself.

"O-oh yes... yes of course... You too are dear to me and I also am in love with you but... but enough of this."

"Okay." She sneezed again and groaned as she changed into a cube, reminding him.

"Now fooor your star..." He stood up to lean over her and gently pinched the yellow gem where it slightly jutted over her skin, seeking leverage with his fingers. Slowly and carefully he slid it out of her head and gently placed it on the bedside table with a klunk.

He stared at the hole left behind by it. A perfectly geometric star shaped hole that went right though her skull into her head. How curious... where did her brains fit exactly?

"Can you stop like..." she tried to cover it with a hand but couldn't reach, "staring at it so hard..."

He looked away quickly. "Yes yes of course... my apologies..."

"Oh uh also I need you to get a basin." she said, keeping her hand there.

"A basin?"

"Yeah it's a big bowl, or a small bath and it holds liquid and-"

"I know what a basin is." He muttered. "I am not completely stupid."

"I'm just checking I mean you didn't know what a dvd player was... or a dvd...or a toaster... or that there was a word for earplugs.. or-"

He sighed as the list went on. "I will get you the basin if it will put an end to this list of my sins."

He stood up and bowed before leaving, taking the cart of snacks with him.

With him gone she stopped holding it in and succumbed to her sickness fully, letting herself cough so hard she felt like she would spit her lungs out and doubled over, breathing heavily. She was nearly crying from how much her throat hurt. She hoped he'd hurry up... it was nearly over and she needed that basin...

He returned holding a blue basin with lemons painted on it and metal handles shaped like branches - only the fanciest for his princess.

She gestured for him to set it down on the bed and crawled into it just in time.

She turned to look up at him from her uncomfortable position. "Okay now... don't freak out but-" Before she could finish she melted like a bathbomb, leaving behind a thick sticky, oozing purple substance.

For one moment he was in complete shock. He stared at the place she'd been and started shaking, with a trembling, frantic hand he splashed in the liquid as if hoping to find her.

He felt his legs give way. "No... no... no where did... she's gone..." it dawned on him, "My princess! My- my angel gone forever... all that's left is this... goo... purple goo..." his chest heaved with sobs as he somehow wailed in between tears "I'll never drink grape soda again!"

He curled up into a ball on the floor and let himself weep with grief. Why? Why hadn't she told him she was terminal? And he'd spent their last moments together arguing! And she'd - his angel she'd spent her last moments alive thinking only of his wellbeing and he hadn't even listened to her!

Could she ever forgive him?

With a hissing sound purple steam started pouring out of the basin into the room, gathering around him like a mist. He sat up, sniffling, and drew his arms around him in fear.

"What... what cursed sorcery is this... what is THIIS!" he waved a hand around in it frantically, "what is this nngggh strange purple MIIIST! How dare you! All persons responsible shall be arrested! and... oh my glob..."

the goop was gone from the basin.

"THE DEAD BODY!" he shrieked in agony, "Not only is she taken away from me... I can't even bury her properly!" He collapsed on the floor and started crying again.

The mist rose away from him and the floor, and started drifting to the center of the room, wafting into a denser and denser cloud until it finally took her familiar form. Her forehead opened into a star shaped hole, and beneath it she pinched her eyes as her eyeballs reformed under their lids and blinked painfully. The first thing she heard after her ears remade was him sobbing and she instantly flew over, placing a newly formed, concerned hand on his shoulder.

"Lemongrab what's wrong?"

He swiveled around and threw himself at her as soon as he heard her voice. She carefully placed a her hands on his back as he clung onto her, still crying.

She frowned as she stroked the back of his head. What was he? OH!

"Hey uh yeah... I should've warned you about that... I mean... I did say I was gonna turn into a gas but I guess I should've..." She trailed off.

He pulled away and put his hands over his eyes, still shaking and making heart wrenching noises as he tried to stop himself from crying.

"I'm okay now..." she reassured him, "what are you freaking out about... is there something else?"

He didn't seem to hear her. He kept rubbing at his eyes and smearing his tears all over his face while hysterically muttering, "I can't stop it... I can't..."

She put her hands over his and interlocked their fingers, pulling them down so she could see his face.

"Then don't stop." she stroked his thumbs with hers and he silently raised his reddened eyes to meet hers, "It's okay for you to cry. You've had a lot on your mind, and like... we, you know, had a fight, and I was sick, and then well... anyone would reach a breaking point."

He didn't say anything and another tear dropped from his eye.

"You should lie down..." She scooped him up and gently plopped him on the bed, knocking the basin to the floor with a clang as she did so. "You get comfy."

He shut his eyes tightly and took a deep breath.

"Can I get you...something?"

He shook his head and reached for her.

"What is it?" she asked as he placed his hand on her arm and squeezed tightly, " I'm not going anywhere if that's what you're worried about- I'll stay here."

He relaxed at that, and let his arm fall back down to his side.

She sat next to him until he'd calmed down a bit, not lying down even though she was also really tired after her illness - all those transformations had taken a lot out of her.

When he started breathing more evenly she decided to do something about his tear stained face. She knew he had a handkerchief somewhere so she started reaching into his pockets and emptying them. She felt something folded up and pulled it out, but to her surprise it was a piece of paper with a photograph of her. She looked up at him inquisitively and he averted her eyes. "Mind your own... Business..." He awkwardly cleared his throat and mumbled to himself.

It wasn't a very good photo. It was of her reading a book and frowning at something... probably something dumb the characters were doing. She hated when that happened.

"You know... If you'd asked..." she traced the neckline of his vest flirtatiously with her ring finger, "I would've given you a better one..."

"Huh?" he asked stupidly.

"I have waaay cuter photos." she smiled.

"I like it..." he sounded so flustered, it was really cute.

"You do?" she moved down to place a hand on his chest and to her delight she felt his heart beating like crazy while he tried to act composed at her touch and words.

"Yes I think that such a contemplative look... quite suits you..."

"Okay then..." she smiled knowingly and could've sworn his heart skipped a beat before she removed her hand "I still think I look nicer in a dress."

She found his hanky and handed it to him so he could dab his tears away. After he'd put it back in his pocket she flopped down next to him and closed her eyes, feeling a headache coming on if she stayed up any longer.

But she couldn't rest till he was okay. "You must be pretty tired after all that..."

She felt him shrug.

"Are you sure you don't want some like... water... or something...?"

"No I do not require anything at all..." he rolled his head to look at her lying in bed barely keeping her eyes open, "you seem... to also be rather fatigued..."

She also turned to look at him and found him staring at her, their faces inches away from each other. His eyes drifted to the hole in her forehead.

"You haven't put your star back in..." he wondered aloud.

"Yeah well whatever... it's heavy as lump so I'm kinda more comfy without it."

"But is it not a little... like you... being shirtless?" He asked.

"Wel..." she thought about that, "maybe a bit but also you're my boyfriend so I think it's like... okay. You know?"

"Yes... yes that is true." He yawned and shifted.

"There you ARE tired!" she said triumphantly "Go to sleep, dummy."

"I am not a dummy." he muttered.

"Imbecile it is. Go to sleep, im-be-ci-le." she spelled it out in a sing song voice to annoy him even more.

"One day I will remove that fiiiilthy tongue... from your insulting mouth." he threatened.

She grinned. He was okay again.

"Oh yeah?" she retaliated, "I'd just kiss you and then I bet you'd wish I still had a tongue."

He looked so offended and embarrassed she couldn't help but laugh at him. He silently rolled over to face away from her and picked up the basin off the floor, hurling it at the room light to make things dark. He muttered "I am... going to sleep now... good night..."

What a cop out, but she was too tired herself to tease him and could already feel herself sinking into a doze. "Night."

He curled up tight with his knees up to his nose and sank into thought.

What a horrible experience. He'd been so... convinced she was gone... And it was like a hole no, even worse, like a wound... a bleeding, festering, painful painful wound had opened in the world, or like a cord holding him to the earth had been cut. He didn't want to think about it but... he felt he must get to the bottom of what this implied.

He thought about the rattleballs... the dead bodies in his mother's basement... now.. now this was a forbidden thought but perhaps they too had meant something similar to someone. And his mother had no doubt been culling rebellion, squashing uprisings for the good of her empire, keeping everyone safe, taking the sins upon her own soul so as not to taint anyone else but maybe... maybe she had also opened similar holes or wounds in the world. Yes people could be rebels and problems and dangers but... but surely those skeletons in the closet must have come from somewhere... been someone. They must have had parents, siblings even. Maybe they'd had someone too. An earl to their princess who was waiting for them to come home. But they never did.

That would make Mother a murderer... not a fair and just ruler. She was right... it was not dirtying your hands a little to commit such an action. Even the first earl, in all his twisted lonely violence, had never once killed, and only harmed his brother in ways that could be fixed.

But despite not killing the first earl was not a better person than mother. And so was Gumbald, Goliad... the opposite was true as well, Finn had killed and he was a hero but... but then there was such a thing as a righteous murder and when he thought back to his agony... his heart screamed no! Death was painful and how...how could it be right? How could anyone ever, ever... put another living creature through those tears and agony... And yet it was for that same reason that he could understand why wars and killers must be stopped, one death was surely better than one hundred? But even so... Even so...

He'd had enough. There was no answer to these moral questions, that was clear. To worry about the unanswerable was to attempt to climb infinite stairs or measure the sea in a sieve... unattainable and unacceptable... Time to think of something else. He rolled over and shook LSP till she woke up from her doze.

"What? Mmm are you o-" He cut her off with a kiss.

She mumbled a muffled whisper against his mouth but he couldn't make it out. Maybe confessing her undying love to him, which she did a lot in these moments, or making a quip about sour tasting lemons. Probably the first as she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him back. He caressed her face until she pulled away and rested her starless head on his chest.

He wrapped his arms around her and they held each other.

"Despite myyy... pride... I think that you are right... about... being right." he eventually broke the silence.

"Huh?" She said, still in a daze after what happened.

"I think that you are correct... I have decided that... that perhaps I should reeethink the future I have planned for my nation and..."

"And?" She murmured.

"Tomorrow... I think I will... have a sick day..."


End file.
